Not a Fan of Surprises
by nanniships
Summary: One shot Banna AU. John doesn't like birthday surprises...but he'll like this one. From terriejane's weekend challenge prompts


Not a Fan of Surprises

John Bates knew he was not the most observant of men. He knew he was not the most intuitive of men. He even knew he could be, as his mother once said in frustration, "thick as a bloody brick, Johnny" when it came to reading the situation.

But he was absolutely certain something was afoot.

His eyes were staring, unfocused, at the pantry door while his brow knit in thought and his tea cooled in front of him. Dire thoughts and suspicions tumbled and spun in the front of his mind. He very nearly jumped out of his skin when the small, white hand slapped the table in front of him.

"What have I told you, John Bates?" his wife demanded, an exasperated smile curling her lips.

"Your husband is a brooder," he said defensively as his heartbeat resumed a normal rhythm. "And brooders brood."

"And what's got your mind in a knot this time?" she asked, removing his stone, cold tea and rolling her eyes at his uneaten breakfast.

"It's this birthday thing…" he began, wincing in anticipation of her huff of exasperation.

"Not this again, John."

"Yes, this again. Anna, I'm _positive_ there's something being planned.'

Anna sat down in the chair next to his. "And here I thought you were dwelling on something pleasant…like last night…and this morning."

"It hit me in the shower, Anna—"

"I knew I should have joined you in there."

John reached out his hand and placed his finger on her lips. She smiled and he ran his finger gently across before leaning forward for a quick kiss.

"Go ahead," she said grinning cheekily at him. "We might as well hash this out before you go to work and spend the day shooting suspicious looks at everyone."

"You know how they are," he protested. "Every year, no matter how I tell them not to, even _beg_ them not to, there's always some sort of "celebration" of my birthday. Robert does it just to take the piss out of me, because he knows I hate it."

"Robert is your best friend, John. Of course he wants to celebrate with you."

"Every bloody year," he went on as if she hadn't spoken. "Some sort of "do" at a restaurant or a knees up at a pub. Last year was that horrible club with the funny flashing lights…"

"They won't do that again. Not after Joe Molesley had that seizure."

John shuddered at the memory. EMTs and drinks spilled everywhere. Not his favorite birthday moment, to be sure.

"And three years ago, they hired in that stripper. To this day, no one will admit doing it."

"They know better than to own up to it around me," she said grimly.

"No one else is subject to these horribly embarrassing birthday celebrations," he groused. "I told Robert that enough was enough, but I'm sure they're planning something."

"Why are you so sure, John?" she asked wearily. He was becoming paranoid about this.

"Because they're being so cautious I haven't been able to figure out that they're doing anything," he said in triumph.

"Come again?" she asked.

"They're being so careful to _not_ get caught out, they must be planning something particularly horrible this year."

Anna stared at him in bemusement. Then the corners of her mouth began to twitch and her shoulders shook as she stifled a giggle. John noticed and looked affronted.

"Anna, I've never caught on to exactly what they have planned before, but looking back in the aftermath of whatever disaster happened, it's so bloody obvious a child could've figured it out. This time, I'm examining every move they're making—"

"That must make you delightful company in the lunchroom," she interjected.

"And I'm seeing absolutely nothing," he went on. "So they must be planning something."

With a frustrated groan, Anna pushed her chair back, and transferred herself neatly into his lap, grabbing the lapels of his suit jacket to keep steady. Surprised, he managed to grab her by the hips and smiled into her eyes.

"Might it be possible, John, that your years of complaining and obvious displeasure at their efforts to celebrate your birthday have convinced them to leave off and allow you the opportunity to do nothing whatsoever to mark the day?"

"Well…" he mumbled, running his lips from her jaw down her neck to the top of her blouse, "I never said I wanted to do _nothing_. I just would rather spend the evening quietly with you, pretending I haven't gotten a year older."

"And what would we be doing," she asked teasingly, "if we weren't doing nothing?"

"Probably this," he replied, pulling her body closer to his, "but with fewer clothes."

Anna laughed and tried to disentangle herself from his grip. After some friendly wrestling, she managed to stand up and began straightening out her skirt. She slapped lightly at the hand he offered to assist.

"It's not your birthday yet, John Bates," she scolded with a smile.

"You're not going to make me wait until tomorrow, are you?"

"I might, if you don't let me get on. I've three meetings and an ESL class to lead today, and I can't show up for any of them looking like I've had a good toss on the kitchen table."

John looked speculatively at the table, making Anna laugh again. She straightened his tie and leaned up on her tip toes to give him a kiss.

"Now come on," she ordered. "You've got to drop me at the Community Center and then catch a train. God only knows how they'll take advantage of your absence in the office."

"I don't want to think about it," he groaned. Then he looked at her bending over to get her briefcase. "But it might be worth it…"

John pulled into the drop off only zone and leaned over to give Anna a farewell kiss. She cupped his cheek in her hand and gave him a stern look.

"Don't be so suspicious of them, John. They really do mean well. Or most of them do."

"I'm just not a fan of surprises. But I'll try to curb my suspicions."

"See that you do,' she said with a brilliant smile as she got out of the car and headed for the doors. As he did every morning, John watched until she was safely inside the building, ready to begin her day as a counselor and program manager for the community center in a less than upscale part of the city. It never ceased to amaze him that she was so enthusiastic about sharing her talents with a desperately underserved population while fighting the reams of red tape that accompanied the position and interfered with the hands on work she so loved to do. His reverie was broken by the impatient horn of a delivery lorry, waiting for his spot, and he waved in apology out of the car window as he pulled into traffic and made his way to the train station.

True to his word to his wife, he managed to set aside his suspicious brooding and concentrate on his work. The only moment during the day that he faltered was when Robert came over to his desk and sat on the corner of it to hand him an envelope.

"What's this?" he said warily.

"It's a day off, mate," Robert replied, ignoring the skeptical look he was receiving. "Since you won't let us throw you a shindig, we figured the least we could do was give you a day off on your birthday to spend with Anna."

John eyed the envelope in Robert's hands as if it could explode at any moment. "And what do I have to do for this? Or where do I have to go? Some sort of spa, or something?"

"Never thought of a spa," Robert mused, as if filing the thought away. Then he shook his head and tossed the envelope at John. "You're a suspicious bastard, Bates. You said you didn't want a party, so you're not getting a party. Unless you've changed your mind…?" he asked hopefully. At the expression on John's face, he shrugged. "Obviously not."

Robert stood and looked down at John with a disappointed expression. "You know, it's the highlight of the year, your party is. We have a great time pulling it together and keeping it from you; really builds team spirit. I can't believe you're making us break the streak. It's been, what…nine years now?"

"Ten years," said John flatly. "And unless you're all immortal beings, I'm not the only person in this bloody office with a birthday."

"Yes, but no one else reacts so well to a surprise party," Robert said with a smirk. John did not smile back. "Fine…fine. We'll struggle on without it, I'm sure."

John rolled his eyes and muttered "drama queen" under his breath.

Robert pretended he hadn't heard him. "Well, if you won't take one for the team to build morale, I guess we'll just have to come up with something else. Enjoy _not_ celebrating your birthday tomorrow, John. And we'll see you the day after tomorrow, assuming Anna doesn't hit you around the head for being such a grump and a party pooper."

John smiled as he stomped away. Robert Crawley really could be a piece of work, but he was a good chap. He slid his letter opener under the flap of the envelope and shook out the card that was inside. Suddenly afraid that it would play some obnoxious tune when he opened it, he held it over the drawer of his desk, ready to slam it shut inside if it so much as twanged a note of "For He's a Jolly Good Fellow." His fears were proven groundless, and the card held nothing more than the signatures and good wishes of his co workers, along with a command from Robert to take tomorrow off and "at least TRY to have a good time, if you know how."

Touched, and a little embarrassed, John glanced around to make sure no one was watching him treat his card like a potential threat to body and mind. Everyone was seemingly busy at their tasks and no one was huddled in corners, whispering, giggling and casting sidelong glances at him.

"This might actually be the year no one tries to surprise me," he muttered to himself. Although he gave it his best shot, he wasn't able to concentrate much the rest of the day, thinking of how he would like to spend his birthday with his wife, doing nothing with very few clothes on.

Anna was thrilled to hear about John's day off. "I can probably go in late tomorrow morning," she said excitedly as they maneuvered around the small kitchen, preparing dinner. "We can have a nice long lie in. And perhaps we can have lunch out at that little bistro that just opened up?"

"Sounds lovely," he agreed. "Especially the long lie in part." He dodged the towel she flipped as his backside. "I'm particularly looking forward to spending the evening with you, doing nothing."

"Hmmm, I'll bet," she said as she removed the lasagna from the oven. "I'm looking forward to it too."

They sat down for dinner, talking about their days. Suddenly, Anna reached out her hand and placed it on John's. He looked curiously at her as she bit her lip and acted like she was about to say something.

"What is it, love?" he asked.

"I know you aren't a fan of surprises, John. But it is your birthday tomorrow…"

"And you've got something planned?" he asked with a smile, trying to banish the slight anxiety that "something" involved more people than just the two of them.

"Sort of…"

"Look, Anna, as long as Robert and half of my officemates don't come charging through that door with cases of lager and a disco ball tomorrow night, I'm sure I'll love whatever you've got planned."

Anna let out an unladylike snort at the scenario he described and squeezed his hand. "Nothing like that," she replied. "In fact, I'd be the first to chuck them all out on their ears."

John's eyebrows went up in appreciation at the thought of his petite wife throwing Robert Crawley bodily out of their flat. "I'd like to see that."

"Sorry to disappoint you then, but you won't have to, because they're NOT coming over. I made it perfectly clear to them—" She suddenly pressed her lips together and wouldn't meet his eye.

"You made _what_ perfectly clear?" he asked. "Anna?"

"Oh fine," she huffed. "I made it perfectly clear to Robert Crawley that if they made you miserable on your birthday this year, they'd never hear the end of it from me." She grinned into his astonished face. "I may have even told him that I'd let slip to Cora about that unfortunate incident in the hot tub involving the three Swedish girls, a bottle of vodka and an embarrassing language barrier."

"How in the world did you know about _that?_" he asked, gaping at her.

"Never you mind how I know," she said dismissively. "It worked. You'll never have to worry about anymore office "surprises."

John leaned back in his chair and gazed at his wife in amazement. Anna smiled back at him and pushed their plates aside to take his other hand.

"So, what do you have planned for tomorrow? Or is that a surprise?"

"Oh, you'll be surprised. But it isn't really going to happen tomorrow." She looked down at the table for a moment, as if gathering her courage, then took a deep breath and looked back up at John.

"I've spoken to Elsie at the Community Center about training a replacement. I'd like to leave work in about five months."

"What? Why? I thought you loved it there." His mind jumped from explanation to explanation and landed in a unpleasant place. "Has something happened? To you?"

Anna gripped his hands tighter and shook her head. "No, John. Nothing has happened at work. In fact, things are going quite well and are stable enough now to get someone else in place without adversely effecting the programming." At his confused and worried look, she sighed and shook her head. "I'm going about this all wrong."

"Going about what?"

"I was _trying_ to give you a wonderful surprise for your birthday, and all I've done is confuse and worry you."

"Well, I am surprised," he admitted. "I didn't see it coming. Do you have another job in mind?"

"I thought I might do some writing when I have time. There's several professional journals that have asked me to do some articles about the turn around in the neighborhood and the role the center played in that…"

"Well, that would be different. But I'm sure you'll be brilliant at it," he assured her with a smile.

"I'm still not doing this right," she said with a frown.

"I don't understand, Anna. You know I'll support you in whatever you want to do. I'm happy if you're happy. It's a wonderful surprise" He scooted closer to her and put his arms around her. She lay her head on his shoulder with a sigh.

"I'm glad you're excited for me, John, but that isn't really the surprise."

"I couldn't begin to guess, then," he replied, stroking her back, "but does it have anything to do with me unwrapping you?"

"It could. But you've actually already done the unwrapping." Anna lifted her head up and looked into his twinkling eyes. "I'm pregnant, John."

The eagerly salacious look on his face became one of astonishment. Unable to speak, his mouth flapped open and shut.

"John?" Anna asked anxiously. "Are you alright?" Concerned, she watched him blink at her.

"You're…you're… but we weren't even trying," he managed to gasp out as a huge smile spread across his face.

"Well, we weren't _not_ trying," Anna replied, relieved at his response.

"I can't take it in," he muttered, staring at Anna.

"Well, you've got about six months to get used to the idea—"

John stood abruptly, hauling her up with him, and crushed her to him in a fierce, exultant kiss. When their lips parted, they stared into each other's eyes, trying to catch their breath.

"You're happy, then?" Anna asked. In response, John kissed her again. And again. And several more times before cupping her face in his hands.

"So very happy, my darling," he breathed, kissing her forehead. A happy tear escaped his eye.

"Happy birthday, John."

"I could become a fan of surprises, if they were all like this one."


End file.
